Friday, November 15, 2013

The Return with a Rant!

     Hey friends! So I have been lazy or uninspired to blog for a long time. My normal excuses would be job hunting, taking care of boyfriend and cat, etc. I just want to be honest, my creative side can come and go. I have been vlogging on YouTube ! Shopping hauls, Ipsy glam bag unboxings, and random talks have been the videos. I also really enjoy watching the beauty bloggers and family vlogs on there. AprilJustinTV, grav3yardgirl, Sacconejolys, eleventhgorgous, and leighannsays are some of my favorites!  Aside from that, I am active in Pinterest, Polyvore, Keep and Instagram.
     On a serious note, this whole finding a legit job thing is totally hard! By legit job, I mean something that not only pays well (corresponds with my education and experience), but isn't a soul sucking job! I need to have a connection with the purpose of the job if I'm to put awesome effort into it and product great work! My degree and past work experience don't really mesh and applying for jobs in different areas has proved to be difficult. The current economy is to blame, just not completely. I am also at fault. I am picky! I take responsibility for that statement. I don't just want any job! I have talents and want them to be applied to this world for a cause I believe in. Sure I have bills and debt that tell me every day that I can't be choosy, but my soul suffers with the wrong job. I had some temporary jobs that were easy, had good pay, but were so soul sucking! What is soul sucking? Having to call people to take research surveys that I don't care about and sounding like a robot while doing it. Selling a overly priced fast track school to people on their last leg of hope for a better future. Sure I was told I am helping them to get there, but the company just cared about profits. Some of you are probably saying, "Stop complaining and do what you want to do!" I wish it was that easy, but for now it isn't. I am still trying to figure out that part. I know more of what I don't want then what I do. It may be all part of the ring of crazy jobs that lead to a career, but this journey is wrecking my hope. I don't know what kind of career I want! I just want to find a place in society that challenges me to adapt my talents and trades to provide service to this world that I can be proud of! I don't believe this pathway of the typical American Dream works anymore or at least for me. I stayed out of trouble, went to college, got the degree, applied to jobs, marketed myself, took part-time work to pay bills, tried to keep the hope of a better future alive and what happened? Nothing. Ok, more than that. I did have some adventures in the process. Learned some helpful professional skills. Developed some form of a work ethic. I am not completely unhappy with my unemployed life. I have family and friends who are encouraging or bitchy at times. I have a great boyfriend,who knows what he whats professional and pursuing a Masters in some crazy science field. My cat is cooler than me, he gets to be catered to by his loving human parents. As of now I have food, shelter, can pay the minimum payment of my credit cards, have my student loans deferred (not for long), and currently have a small part-time job as a personal assistant. I should be grateful for what I have and I am, but I don't want to settle for this nor do I want to lose the good things I've got. Something has to give! I don't want it to be my hope or faith in chances. Chances, there seems to be a shortages of these lately. Maybe I should just make my own punch in this world since it seems to be punching and kicking me lately. When did surviving this world mean giving up your happiness to have your bills paid. Yes it is my doing for going to college and getting a degree that wasn't my first choice, but the education system tricked me. I was its salve. I didn't take advantage of the social opportunities that college had laced in for me. I didn't know how important networking was. I just took the four years to get a very expensive piece of paper that the job market doesn't take serious anymore.  I have been told that experience is everything! Just the past work, organization memberships, and voluntarism that counts. I guess none of my countless hours of studying with a textbook, negotiating with professors, writing research papers, projects or finishing school on time (4 years baby!) makes me a good candidate for any position. Okay I didn't venture into getting work experience, internships, etc in my field during those precious years. My mistake!  After graduation I realized that field wasn't pulling my soul strings hard enough. I decided to search for another calling. I am still searching. So the world isn't made for me, a dreamer. I can't achieve real progress until I awake. I am trying everyday to wake up my soul to something that can satisfy it. Certain things do bite, but nothing has consumed my soul for the better, unless you count my boyfriend and cat. I wish I could just get paid to be me, but isn't that the goal of your dream job? Damn me for wanting money for food/shelter, paying my debt off and enjoying some of life's luxuries (Starbucks! Makeup! Netflix!) and serving my purpose to the world by making it a better place not just for me but for all that I can help.

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